My Semi-real Home in the Clouds

I sit on the uncomfortable futon in what is, technically, my living room. Sometimes I don't even want to walk around the house because there's so very much stuff everywhere with no organization and everything is filthy. I close out my game window with a sigh. I can't even focus on that very well. I open a document, but still nothing comes to me. I have nowhere to go and nothing that I can do, and I feel like smashing a window, like you can do in a break room, or whatever it's called. Not sure how, but apparently you can smash things without getting hurt. I've never been violent and I don't want to cause real damage, but sometimes... I break off my train of thought as I lean my head against the back of the couch and close my eyes. I let my empty, and yet somehow swirling, mind take over. The fog comes again, though this time I don't really imagine it visibly. Then... I'm in that place. I can feel the thick carpet of the room under my feet, which are bare for some reason. I open my eyes and slowly lift my head. I'm sitting on something different now, though it doesn't come into focus. I also feel a bit different. Listening to my surroundings, I notice that it's quieter now. I look around; everything but what I'm sitting on is bare. I concentrate for a moment, and my end tables appear on each side of the piece of ferniture I'm seated on. The tables are scrubbed clean and free of clutter and debris. My coffee warmer and a box of tissues appear on one, and one of my vases of fabric flowers on the other. I look towards the wall in front of me, and a chair and small computer desk come into focus. My laptop, a printer and one of my echo dots appear on it. I open one of the drawers to find my stacks of assorted braille paper. The other drawer contains tape, my braille labeler, scissors, a small stapler, a pencil, a pen that can be used as a tablet stilus as well, a small container of assorted paper clips, and a hole punch. The third one has my iPad cases, my laptop bag, and maybe even one or two phone cases. It also has a pair of over ear headphones and my airpods in their little case. The last drawer has stacks of ink cartridges, computer paper, and some empty folders and binders. I think for a moment; something's missing... Then I have it. Two cute little trays also appear on the desk, one holding headphone cords/chargers and my dongles, the other, one of those stress balls that's fun to squeeze and play around with, a pack of gum, glass/lens wipes and hand wipes. A paper shredder is tucked against one side of the desk on the floor, my brailler, which is clean and no longer broken, on the other side. I look over at the charming partitian between the living room and kitchen, and some of my tiny stuffed animals appear in some of the open cubbies. Fairy lights suddenly wind around the tiny decorative railing, and 3 little glass bowls with optional lids sit on the space in front on the living room side. They are full of mixed nuts, gummy bears, and individually wrapped pieces of jerkey, respectively, and a nutcracker sits beside them. One or two of my favorite kitchen appliances rest on the counter by the sink. I smile as I wander down the very short hall. I open the coat closet to find my jackets and hoodies, along with my winter coat. There is also a little holder attached to a wall with hats, gloves, and scarves. There are a couple big plastic storage tubs on the floor, and some smaller boxes and bags on the shelf above the hanger bar. There's also a small shoe rack with a few pairs of specific season appropriate footwear. Closing the door, I move on to the bedroom. I smile as I step inside. It's spacious enough to move around without bumping into everything, but not large. My bed sits at one end, my nightstand at attention beside the head. In the closet is another shoe rack, this one holding a few pairs of slippers and a couple pairs of general purpose shoes. There's a little chest by the foot of the bed that contains blankets, and there's a nice dresser against one wall. Pretty curtains hang at the window, and an overstuffed beanbag acts as a seat in front of the window. I take a seat there now, smiling at the comfort as I sink into the comfy blob of fabric. I notice my other echo dot and ask it to play music. I sit and soak in the feelings. My dreamy state deepens as a scent from a wax warmer fills the air. I open my eyes... and my smile slowly fades away. I'm back on the futon, in the cluttered house. I try to make myself go back to the beanbag; I still hadn't gone outside to the little patio area. Alas, though I could picture it in my head, I can't take myself there again. I sigh and shrug. Perhaps, maybe even someday in the near future, I'll get that apartment I saw and I'll be able to make it my own--truely my own--for the first time in my life. Hopefully. But, then again, if I'm meant to stay here, I just need to come up with more ways of improving things here. I feel like I'm running out of options, but at least I can say I've already got a roof over my head. And although not everything there came into focus, I can keep dreaming, reaching, and imagining. 

Days and weeks and months oh my!

Alrighty then… Hello there, everyone!

It has definitely been a while since I have posted. That was not on purpose. I never realized how much time had gone by since my last post. I know… This isn’t a brain fog adventure post, but I’m definitely hoping to give you more of those, and of course, a few updates about me sprinkled in.

Speaking of which, there have actually been some good, and not so good, things going on with social media, especially when it comes to people who are blind or visually impaired. Thankfully, the app that I use most of the time to post these blogs is still accessible. There are a couple of changes that I am implementing. Hopefully this will give me some more opportunities to share posts with you guys! If I still have any followers, that is. And who knows, maybe I’ll make some new ones. I certainly do not intend to let this be a dead blog. 

Anyway, that’s basically all for now. I just wanted to drop in and let you guys know that I am still alive. I am trying to implement one of these changes now as I am writing this blog. However, it is also getting late, and I am going to be heading off to bed soon. 

So therefore I say:

A good night to you. 

Uncurl, unfurl, nourish, flourish

As I finish the last dregs of my coffee, I close my eyes and let a gentle mist surround me. I send my thoughts and feelings into it, letting my mind go completely blank for a moment. Shapes begin forming, slightly soft around the edges, ready to melt and change at a simple thought. 

I sit on a balcony in a comfortable patio chair, a small table beside me. The soft sound of wind chimes floats on the warm, eddying breeze. Scattered sunlight shines through the layer of gray clouds. The quiet birdsong and the muted sounds of the city meld with the chimes and the faint sigh of the wind in the trees to create a unique orchestra. I can smell the freshness of the earth and grass, and the hint of rain in the air. I close my eyes, letting my mind trace back to the thoughts at hand. 

A lot of things are like flowers. Personalities, emotions, people, relationships. They grow and change. They close tightly when they feel threatened, some are strong and stirty, some more delicate… and they can die so very easily. They even bleed when wounded, though obviously not blood. I also firmly believe that nature can feel, even if it’s differently than we do. Relationships, for example. You can’t treat them the same, just as you cannot care for all plants the same. Not all require the same conditions to grow and thrive. Some are incredibly adaptable and flexible. Usually, the plant will let you know what it needs if it possibly can. And sometimes we have to come up with different solutions if we want to keep our greenery healthy. Just like relationships should be, most plants are beneficial to everything. They can heal the environment, they provide us with oxygen, and we provide them with carbon dioxide. And just as we should with some of the relationships we have, sometimes we need to cut off dead foliage, or trim a wildly growing vine when it is causing harm and destruction, and pull up weeds that are harming the plants and chaotically spreading. Sometimes it’s nature. Even wilderness life doesn’t last forever. It lives, grows, dies, and grows again, and nature does its thing. The rain, humidity, sunlight and darkness, pollination, temperatures, and types of soil take care of everything. 

I believe that in some way, we are all connected, even music and plants. 

I look around me as the shapes of the trees and clouds, and everything else slowly dissipates as the mist envelopes me. I close my eyes and take a deep lungful of the fresh air, as that is the last thing to go. I smile and stretch, listening to the real birds and wind chimes outside my window. 

I hope this post didn’t bore all of you. I’ll see you next time. 

Human Pangea

Hi there! It’s good to be back. I have been a very busy beaver for the past few months. This blog post will be a bit different, although I still think that there will be some philosophical parts.

I am getting ready to move, and I am imagining quite a bit of things. I’m moving into part of a duplex, and I will be gaining a bigger space and a roommate. She’s been one of my best friends since 2009, and we get along very well. I am extremely excited about having more of a balance in my life now . I’ll still have my own bedroom, and I’m imagining how I want it to be set up. And while we will share the rest of the house, she is willing and open to share ideas and let me decorate if I wish. 

This move was rather unexpected, but every time I think back on the events that have happened so far, I can’t help but come back to the same reason over and over again. There were just too many things that lined up for this to be just a coincidence.

When I got the chance to go visit my friends at the end of the summer, I stayed there for a bit longer than I expected, and got involved in a half marathon chariot race in the fall. While I was there, another friend and I talked about possibly trying to get a place together. We were both getting tired of our situation, and feeling a bit out of sorts. As for me personally, besides that feeling, I had been getting this sort of nudge. The nudging was getting more prominent the longer I visited. That specific Avenue didn’t end up working out, however, immediately after that  the friend that I was staying with most of the time got an opening, because her roommate met someone that wanted to move into the area and needed a roommate, so they decided to team up and move  to another place nearby. My friend asked me if I would like to move in, since I was looking  for possibilities anyway, and I immediately jumped at the chance without even thinking about it. Since then, I have run into a couple of small snags, of course, and I have been a bit worried about things such as money, but my move out date is now very close, and at the moment I have more money in my bank account than I’ve ever had… Aside from when we got stimulus checks. I have also finally gotten approved for a beginner credit card that is supposedly designed to help me build credit. Everything seems to be moving and shifting, clicking into place like puzzle pieces. It reminds me a bit of Pangea, thus the title of this blog post.

Now, backing up a bit again to my imagination running wild. I have cleaned out what I don’t want or need, or what doesn’t seem to fit me or what I want anymore. I’m only taking what I still very much want and what I need.  I think I will be able to buy new things if need be. I hope that I will have enough room in my bedroom to begin doing my yoga practices again. Other than that, I’m still imagining the different ways I’d want to set it up, and how I might want to decorate it.  I want this to feel more like a home than my apartment ever did, and I think that it will. Especially with my friend there. I’ll have a companion, but I’ll also still have alone time. I’ve tried to turn my apartment into what would feel like a sanctuary for me, but I only partially succeeded in that. I think that this will be another opportunity for me to practice my creativity and also make a place that reflects who I am and what I love around me. I’d also like to start making crafts again. I think I will be able to do that again as well.  Needless to say, i’m very excited, and my creativity is already warming in the egg that is my brain, just waiting to hatch.

I hope everyone likes this post. I know there’s not a lot of fantasy in this one, but I wanted to sit down and write it anyway, and to let you know that I am still here.

In the Wind

I sit down with my cup of coffee, my fingers hovering over the keys, ready to spill forth my prolific words. Only… They don’t begin their dance. My head begins to fill with all my recent experiences—so many experiences. Then… Something very familiar… and I let it happen… Because now I want it to happen. They blur into a silver mist. I drift through this fog gently, lazily. It is warm here. A breeze tugs at my clothes and hair playfully. The air is perfumed with clary sage, myrrh, Jasmine, and rose. I smile as I inhale slowly, letting my eyes drift closed. I begin to notice a sound. A very soft sound. Words? Music? Perhaps both. I hear it all in the soft whispers of the wind itself. It almost seems to brush against my mind, as if requesting entry. Though the sound is vague, the messages are understood. Understood because they are poetic somehow. With the intonation of every hiss and swish, The wind performs its own spoken word. A second sound begins to join the first. It sounds almost like the snapping of many fingers, and I understand as a few raindrops kiss my face, hair, and shoulders. After a little while, the smells, sounds, and feelings begin to slowly fade, and I’m back in my room. I smile, though it is somewhat bittersweet, as I take a drink of my still warm coffee.  

I’m still here

Hello to everyone.

Yes, I am, indeed, still here. It has been quite a while since I’ve written. This is more of a general update. A couple of months after my last peace, I started having strange medical issues after getting sick. A few months later, we figured out what was going on, and I now have an upcoming surgery to remove my gallbladder.

Anyway, in the past couple of months, I have been introduced to a new platform called clubhouse. I wasn’t sure if I would like it at first, but I have been finding little gems, treasures, through this platform. It has allowed me to express my creativity in a bit of a different way. I have managed to write a handful of new poems during this time. I am very much glad for the people that I have met that have been so uplifting, friendly, helpful, and supportive. I’m truly thankful for the opportunities that I have had, and I hope that everything continues, allowing the connections to grow even deeper.

I have also discovered a couple of more tentative opportunities that may help me to get a future job/boost a career. I’m still taking it slow; there are still things that I need to do and work on, but I am hopeful that I will be lead in the right direction somehow.

For those of you that are still here, thanks for sticking around. I truly appreciate your support.

I’ll try to write again soon

Jessica

Stuff and things and magic, oh, my!

All right… I will apologize in advance for boring you all to tears, for an interior decorator I am not, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. Therefore, I finally decided to write it down. So, without further ado, here it is.

I smile as I sip from my cup. Mello music and the intermittent buzz of cicadas create the perfect backdrop for my contemplative mood. The curtain billows in the late summer breeze, light washing over the room, then receding, like lazy ocean waves. I smile and close my eyes, breathing deeply, as another breeze reaches me. I can smell the freshness of sun-warmed grass and trees, water, flowers, and the occasional snatches of food, smoke, and coffee.

I let my mind roam freely once more as fog fills the space. When it clears, I’m still in my apartment, only every surface is now bare; everything else in a single container, the items fitting magically. With a wave of my hand, I make certain that everything is as clean as possible. Next, I gesture again, and all my items begin moving, going where I want, some of my drawers and containers changing into the perfect sizes, additional storage units appearing as needed. I smile with satisfaction as I move my recent purchases, decorations that I found at a dollar store, into place. I’ll be getting more to hopefully complete the project very soon, but here is where my imagination has been taking over. I turn in a slow circle, eyes closed, as I think, a finger coming to my slightly pursed lips. With another wave, I fill the glass bowls and vases on my coffee and end table to see how it looks. I switch between different things; clear gems, tiny colored balls, perfect round white pebbles, and fake soil. I top them with the gourds I got, which have red and yellow sunflowers, peppers, and berries attached. I put the stems of different colored leaves, some also with clusters of tiny berries, back in the vase, and arrange the small silver votive style artificial candles. I pause again with thought. Little shelves appear in some places on the walls. On a section of one wall that is wood, a mantel appears at about my eye level. I put the rest of the candles, tall white and clear votives with glittery orange jack-o'-lanterns, and a smiling beanie baby ghost, on it. I debate whether to put the rest of the Halloween decorations up, then shrug, deciding that I may as well. I snap my fingers, and the little strings of purple and orange lights, big black spiders with glittery bodies, and black bats move around the room. I chuckle to myself. All that’s missing is spooky music and snacks, and I could throw a party! My imagination takes over again, and I play around a little more. The lights are replaced with slender strands of golden garland, and the ghost is replaced with a plump turkey with colored feathers. The jack-o'-lantern candles are replaced with the gold votives, and the bats and spiders vanish. Then, the turnkey is replaced with a snowman, and a Christmas tree appears in the corner by the mantel. Ice sickles hang at various points. Then, all the decorations revert to their original state. I sit and let the breeze continue to move through the room. After a while, I smile and gather the fog around me. I am now outside somewhere. The area is thick with grass, and there is a stream that flows into a small lake. There are trees and vegetation all around, though the area is still spacious enough. I lean against a tree and sigh wistfully  as I realize that this would be a nice place to have a picnic. After a while, I let everything melt away as I am slowly transported back to my living room.